Disabilities · Over Coming Adversity · Recommended Sites · Relationship

Overcoming Adversity: Being Disabled in a Sexual World


When I started this site, my mission was to write articles and reviews of ways to keep sex better as you get into the ruts that life throws us.  In March of 2017 I decided that I wanted to share other’s stories on how they have overcome adversity in their lives to still have a positive sexual outlook.  There are multiple topics I’d like to cover, and I am open to sharing anyone’s story if they are willing to let me.  Ryan has been kind enough to be the first to share his story with us! Ryan is a paraplegic and I have really enjoyed getting to know him in the Twitterverse.  Here is Ryan’s story from his point of view.  Thank you Ryan!

Being Disabled in a Sexual World

I am a 38 year old male, reasonably happy.  Simply because I’m still here, alive and kickin’, perse.

But what bothers me? Sex.  Being sexual. There are people who have this idea that we, people who are disabled, either don’t like sex or can’t have sex, purely based on our particular disability(ies). That’s the ignorance of people who don’t know or understand us. Keep in mind, when I say ignorance, I’m not saying stupidity. Ignorance is defined as a “lack of understanding”.

I am paraplegic, meaning “partially disabled” or paralysis of the legs and lower body.  I can’t feel certain areas, yeah, you guessed it, down there, too. I also use a wheelchair. So what do we, as people who are disabled, do when we are feeling sexual or horny? We adapt. We find ways of doing what we want.  I started to find my way at a young age.  I felt my body and explored myself.  I began by finding those areas where I can feel and worked from there. I then started getting out of my comfort zone and began exploring different ways, different facets to express my sexuality. Again, at a young age, I explored nudity. I’m going to be frank, because of my disability, I wore diapers for the first seventeen years of my life.  That just meant that I had to again adapt what I wanted to do. Shortly after, my nudity turned into mild exhibitionism. I remember being home alone and I wanted to go lay out on the back deck of our/my parents house.  I actually wanted to “play”. I went outside clothed, but once I got out, and the coast was clear, I stripped down.  I laid out a towel, relaxed and explored myself. I began to touch myself. I enjoyed the excitement of being outside naked, the possibility of being caught!  I was almost caught, once… Over the years since then, I’ve done many things to help me feel sexual, to express my sexuality, much of it was me hiding in almost plain site.

But you may ask,”have you ever had sex?” or “been intimate with a woman?” No I have not. Other than the occasional kiss, which has come few and far between. I think that the gentleman, an acquaintance who asked me to submit this, would want me to be honest. I am a single 38 yr old man who happens to be disabled. Am I happy? Somewhat. I am surely thankful to be alive!  My parents were told that I may not live long, at least that’s what I was told. I’m happy but I’m not “beaming”, not by a long shot. Now I’m not saying this to garner sympathy, I’m just being honest, as requested. I’ve been single since 1992, that’s sixth grade for those of you doing the math. So I’ve not had what one would characterize as a “relationship”. I admit, I’m fairly shy around the fairer sex. Why? My confidence just isn’t where it should be and that may be due to my disability. In my earlier years, I refused but I still thought in the back of my mind, that I wasn’t being approached by women in a more than friendly manner, because I am disabled. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to think more so towards that conclusion, but my reasoning as to why that is or was has changed.  Back then I thought that most women were just “stuck up”, but upon further reflection, I’ve thought that maybe, perhaps they aren’t stuck up bi……pardon me. Perhaps they don’t understand why I am disabled, and what comes with that. They don’t walk in my “proverbial” shoes. I think that there are some who make assumptions, not only about myself, but other people who are disabled, and that brings me back to my original thought.  They don’t think that I or others like me can have sex.

Throw out your traditionally definition of sex. Sex isn’t simply penis to vagina. Remember? “Adapt to what you can’t do.” Hands, fingers, mouths, tongues and toys. Shoot, women don’t need us anymore, we’re almost obsolete, thanks for starting that s*** “Doc Johnson.” People like me who are disabled use toys as well, at least I do. I proudly own a Hitachi Wand. Also the Pulse Duo III from HotOctopuss. Tell them that @Trojanviper says hello..

Being disabled doesn’t mean that I/we can’t have sex, it means that I/we have to adapt, and be more creative with your approach.

I’d like to thank Ryan for his honesty and openess about sharing his life with us.  If you would like to read more of Ryan’s posts, feel free to check him out at Trojanviper.wordpress.com

You can also follow him on Twitter @Trojanviper


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