Couples · Relationship

Building the Passion

So Valentine’s Day is coming up, it’s a commercialized high pressure scam to spend way to much money on flowers and candy.  Christmas was barely a month ago, and here comes all the pressure to buying a perfect gift again.  Valentine’s Day can also be a special time to created romance, passion, and reignite a feeling long forgotten.  It’s a time you can let your partner know that you are still hot for them and that you will be willing to do whatever it takes to reignite the spark that may have fizzled over time as the rest of life has gotten in the way.  Last year I made a resolution to make my wife and romance a priority in our lives.  This is a great time to start doing that, and it all starts with the little things.

Lighting the Match  

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So much of romance and our sexual chemistry is mental.  Chances are having flowers delivered to her office isn’t going to lead to be best sex you’ve ever had that night.  You need to light the match before you fuel the fire. Every day try to do something nice for each other.
  • Pack their lunch
  • Leave little love notes in places they will find later
  • Bring flowers home and keep them fresh
  • Bring home a coffee or snack that they will enjoy

Fan the Flame

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As you do these things, make sure to continue to grow that spark into a flame.  Without oxygen, a flame will die out, but if you blow on the flame too hard, it will die out as well.
  • Compliment them daily, pick out something new everyday – accomplishments, looks, a great meal, anything they do.
  • Finish each compliment with a kiss, it’s nice to hear words of affection and have a physical reward with it as well
  • Write more detailed love notes, mail them to work or even home as a surprise
  • Plan a quiet evening, get a sitter if necessary.  Have a night where you just enjoy each other’s company and talk.
  • Make out! When was the last time you honestly just made out with each other.  You’ll probably like it, and see where it takes you.

Add Fuel to the Fire

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If things are going well, you are probably being more affectionate, jumping in the shower with each other, trying to put the kids to bed early, and having better sex.  It’s time to get that fire nice and hot! This is the time to start spicing things up, if you haven’t already!
  • Buy Lingerie – I love buying lingerie, in fact I buy nearly all the lingerie my wife has.  Keep your partner’s desires and comforts in mind.  While there is nothing I love more than the corset with matching panties, garter belt and stockings, it’s not the most functional or comfortable outfit.  The cost is high, it won’t be worn very often, and it won’t be worn very long.  If you know your partner likes that, then great, go for it! I traditionally buy my wife a chemise or baby doll that is sexy to me, but comfortable to her.  If it’s something that she likes, you can probably get her to wear it to bed on a regular basis.  Know her sizes and her styles.  If you are buying a matching bra and panties, don’t buy her the g-string or thong if she doesn’t like them.  Know the style of bra she prefers and where she buys them. When you see your partner in sexy lingerie you think they look like the model you saw, but she may not think she does.  Compliment her and don’t immediately rip it off.  Watch a sexy movie, give her a massage, and keep it on during foreplay.
  • Watch a Sexy Movie – Don’t be afraid to push boundaries here, but don’t disgust your partner either.  There are more and more adult movies being geared towards women and couples with a higher quality than what you think of.  If you’ve watched 50 Shades of Grey together, and you thought there was something missing or the sex scenes left you longing for more, look into the Submission of Emma Marx.  This trilogy of movies was directed by Jacky St James, a female director, and is a very similar story line to 50 Shades.  The quality is high, the sex scenes can still get a little long, but it can provide great foreplay.  You can view the trailer on YouTube.  The third installment, The Submission of Emma Marx: Exposed comes out in February just in time for Valentines Day. There is also an entire genre of romantic adult movies.
  • Start a Toy Box – So the kids are gone, she’s in sexy lingerie, you’re watching an erotic movie, things are getting hot, get out that new orgasm inducing device you’ve researched so much about! Gently introducing toys into your sex lives is a game changer! My wife is getting more in tune with her body every time we use toys together.  They can create romance, fantasy, and a whole new dynamic to having great sex! We have lots of great recommendations on I Love My Vibrators and Good Vibrations Sex Ed Series: How to Choose a Vibrator .  I suggest starting simple and then working your way into luxury and more intense toys.
Let the Coals Simmer
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After a night of hot passion, the flames have died down but the heat is still there.  After you are finished, or the next day while you are talking don’t be afraid to communicate about your previous adventure together.  Talk to each other about what you liked and didn’t like.  What are your next steps?
  • Did you like the toys, are there other types you’d like to try out?
  • What are you fantasies and can you explore them together?
  • Plan date nights or sex nights if you can
  • Don’t ever stop dating each other
  • The internet is your friend, you can research and buy anything without leaving home
The romance doesn’t start or stop on Valentine’s Day.  Make it a special time with each other, but keep the passion and fire alive.  Don’t be afraid to initiate new things, if no one will initiate, then nothing will happen.  At the same time, it’s fine to ask for a favor.  Your roles will define themselves as you choose, just keep a plan in mind of what your goals are.  If you keep each other in mind, you can keep things hot and heavy as long as you want.
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